I'm 23 years old as of a month ago. I've been in a relationship, yes, an actual relationship, with a man named Branden. He's manly, has a beard, is a veteran, and he's sweet. (TBH it's kind of like I'm in a relationship with Khal Drogo, just more intelligent and sweet...Lol!)
I live with Branden and his family. After all of that time working at my shitty job, failing to make it on my own...He saved me. Not in the "let me financially rescue you" way, but in the "let me make you smile now and then and give you actual orgasms" way. (Yes, I just said that.) He helps me feel...comfortable.
I haven't had a job in a while...like in a year while. I'm not proud of it. Pretty disappointed actually. I left my job at the restaurant, lived with my dad in Louisiana. I got to visit New Orleans, and all I did was buy a poster, a mask, and get stoned. Then I stayed in Texas with his new wife, step daughter, and my half brother. (I tried to like them...but it was obvious that I will never be a part of the "new" family. I'm just old history. The kind you brush under a rug and only see when you're brushing more crap under the rug. It's not my dads fault.) I ended up moving away and staying with my mother.
After I moved in with my mom, I got a job cleaning houses for the elderly, rich, and rich elderly. I didn't get paid enough and I was extremely over worked. Things with my moms husband weren't so good. (I've never liked him. He's the worst kind of terrible you can imagine bottled inside of a human.) I went and lived with Branden in North Carolina to escape it all.
Let me start this paragraph off by saying, North Carolina is literally the dumbest place I have ever had to be involved in. You know the feeling of mind numbing bored-ness? Slap your hand onto your face and lean with it onto your elbow while letting that feeling engulf you, and you have my experience with North Carolina. The dependa wives all look and act the same way. Fat, easily irritable, and surrounded by bratty children screaming so loud their tiny faces appear to be melting off. Their accessories usually include their husbands money and benefits, and a phone full of dick pics. The husbands fit into 3 categories, good, cheater, and deployed. And if there is anyone even remotely good looking, be cautious, they probably have an incurable STD. I left North Carolina after a couple of months.
I was supposed to be staying with Brandens family, but I ended up staying with my mom to try and recover from being over dosed on my antidepressants. (I didn't do it, the dosage was simply too high and it was increased. It was an honest accident from my Dr.) After finally getting better, I visited my friends, and then moved in with his family like initially planned.
I've stayed out here since then. Living in this tiny cabin out in the woods. I did go to school again. I failed. I've cried about it. I've moved on. I'm back to being at square one, just this time, I'm older, and still goth.
I'm still so unsure about where I'm going, and it's obvious that life can't be planned out and organised. My life is a cluttered clusterfuck of a mess. But I'm still trying, I still go to bed and plan to wake up and do something, anything tomorrow. That counts for something right?
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