I don't have much to say, and I'm still unsure of how this works completely. I just hope that this will be my place to release my thoughts and just allow myself to feel better.
It's 6 AM and I've been awake since yesterday, I've been wanting to go to bed for hours and hours, but I've continued to stay awake for no particular reason. And it seems as though I've gotten myself into a situation, I'm going to have to either try to stay awake an entire day again, or convince the husband that we really should just go to sleep and get back on schedule tomorrow for school.
On the topic of school, the University I've been attending is becoming that much more difficult, I've been wondering more and more if I'm really cut out for all of this stuff. Is this really what I should be doing with my life? What if I get into the career this education leads me to, and I absolutely hate it? What do I do then? I feel guilty every time I have to schedule myself for another semester, and I think the only reason is because I'm not happy about getting myself into this much debt, or the fact that when I finally recieve my leftovers from the loan money I get to have fun with it. I guess this really is America, the land of the horribly broke, and the unsettling happiness that comes with owing people hundreds of thousands of someone elses hard earned money.
In the meantime, I'm still sitting here fumbling over silly thoughts of debt, wars, and whether I should just go to bed or continue to watch my cat sleep peacefully and think dirty thoughts about how she's so lucky she gets to sleep all day. I'm still concerned about school as well, but I can definitely feel the sleep consuming my mind. I wonder if I'll be this tired when I have to pick out another shit outfit that wont make the other students push me down the stairs. Yay! Go figure, you're reading a post from the classic gothic/punk freak that everyone hates for no apparently good reason at every university, at every home town, and at every brick wall.
In my mind, things are quite paranoid, and worried constantly, I constantly wonder if this is a good thing for the average adult. But most of all, I'm wondering how many readers find me to be insane yet, or find me disgusting just because I mentioned the words goth and punk in a single sentence. But you as the reader, know everything. In your own judgemental and derogatory thought filled mind I'm sure you've decided if this post is enough to keep you interested or not, or if I meet your standards of what's good enough for you. So it's up to you, will you continue reading, or will you toss these words away like a story about algebraic theories?
No comments:
Post a Comment